All I ever wanted, all I ever needed was here, in my arms. I feel so fucking sick. Heart-sick...jingles in my brain, spunking hands and cum over my feet, damned! It's gotta end, feelings due to some recent days, will this be the end of my research? Am I just dying inside? Any nerves showing up for today's session? Might that be the limit? A SM-bitched face occurring in my mind and the will to spit it out, wanna vomit my heavily sick torn heart on all other Lionel-victims and tell em that I am the ONLY one. It's getting less from his side, I'm not numb yet and able to feel this crappy shit. And there's no way out, there may be one, just now, changes always bring opportunities but I'm already in detention, caught by his sneaky nerves which tingle round my soul and spread their roots into my heart thus I can't cut them down cause that will be my END. If something ended, can there be another beginning? I'm scared that those roots will live as long as I do but I've gotta dry them, don't give em more love, hate, anger, fear nor any feelings, make them die and fall apart and shit them out. One of us must die to enable the situation a bright future. But who? Who's gonna die? Looks bad for me though...Hate and Love don't go well with each other, there's the advantage...for him. I love and hate you so much that it's tearing apart every single bone in my beautiful body. SICK!!!